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Every few years they would come back to the U.S. and visit friends and family. For a while they would stay in Florida with her family then come northward to see all of us on my uncle’s side. We always had a camping trip set up to stay at a friends cabin out near the lake and far from civilization.Always a good time. The family would come in and we’d play cards and have tents pitched for those of us who wouldn’t fit in the cabin, grill and smoke meat, chit chat, cut down trees for the fire, fish, play more cards, and catch up. Our last camping trip had been the best it could have ever been. Good times indeed.With no bathroom in the cabin and an out house overrun by wasps, we were confined to pissing and shitting in the woods taking nothing but T.P. and wet wipes to our spots.I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, I never saw her leave the site, but within 5 minutes of walking in the woods, I caught my aunt in mid pee. Pants down, hand at her crotch(wiping of course), and red-faced. She quietly set the tea before Lucinda on the desk and stood by while she finished her prayer, picked up the tea, and took a sip. In the middle of her second sip, the newspaper was dropped onto her desk.The front-page photo was of her, covered in the corpses of multiple pies. It was an English-language paper instead of her usual Italian; and the headline above it read “Lucinda’s Lock-In Lists Loony-Toons.” She looked up at the maid. She saw me. Hi, my name’s Susan Bailey. (Sorry for the unusual intro, but I think you see now that I was going for something.)“The Italian paper’s headline wasn’t as funny.” I explained to her in that language. “Before you say anything about the maid’s uniform, Lucinda, I gave one a hundred euros to let me borrow it and told the assistant you make fetch your tea every morning that I’d take care of this for him. Don’t hold it against him. I used my ‘status’ as a friend of La Familia Royale and said I had a private matter to discuss with you. I did all this.
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